The last year has brought about many changes, social change and political change. While it has all been unsettling, and I think of how my parents would have commented on it, I revert to my upbringing to balance how I react.
I have witnessed so many changes over 54 years in family units, in environment, in morality, in parenting, in children’s learned behaviors, in technology, in medical advancements, in government, in work environment, in ethics, and in society. While some are not good changes, others are astounding and inspiring.
It is not so very different from upheavals or social unrest in every generation from the past. My parents saw many changes between 1923 and 2003 (when my dad died). They went from a simple rural life into an industrial age during the years leading to and including WW2. They saw racial separation, racial integration, fight for equality for women, and laws protecting civil rights. They had less material things, spent quality time with family and friends, helped neighbors for free, and were involved in their community and church. They were married in 1948 in a Catholic rectory, and lived above a gas station and a trailer in their first year. Money was tight, and mom literally had four dresses, a few slacks and shirts, and shoes for work, church, and outside work. They raised respectful children who were taught good manners at home through observing parents who showed respect to one another. Their kids were not perfect angels, but respected that line between parental authority and child.
My parents they taught us that hateful language or physical abuse between siblings would not be tolerated. Being disrespectful to any adult through our actions or language would result in punishment. Discipline was used as needed, time alone, chores, and in youth, a few spankings that did not hurt more than our pride. Love and respect for ourselves and others were demanded and required in our house. We were taken out with parents to help others, friends, grandparents when they needed. We all worked together to plant a garden, harvest that garden, and prepare the foods for canning. These ethics, moralities, manners, and self-respect was taught from my parents who were above average intelligence, through a college education, and devoted self-education through reading. Their behaviors witnessed by us rubbed off as normal behavior. They read newspapers and books while we watched television cartoons or the news for a limited time. We were encouraged to read the paper, books, and were taken to the library. We were allowed to listen to adult conversations but not interrupt. Listening was as expected as good behavior. Language was used as a tool to inform, educate, and when urged, to answer questions.
I watched my father paint, practice calligraphy, and help me with my cursive writing. My mother helped me balance my first check book. My dad showed me how to check my oil when I was only big enough to climb up on a step stool to even see into the engine. My mother taught me to sew at age seven. I made a pillow, and then as I got older, a quilt, and then clothes for myself. I learned to never stop learning, giving more opportunities to help others.
My father was always taking classes by mail, including becoming an Auctioneer, a broker, a real estate agent, and a baptist minister. He attended school by mail and took his tests the same way. He received his certificate of completion and obtained his licensure. He had already retired from 32 years serving the Army. During that time he owned a construction company (building 11 houses), an appliance repair shop, a tv antenna sales shop, a car lot, a gas station and diner, and a drive-in theater. He was always selling something and putting that profit into the next venture. He was a miser, and mom had an allowance for groceries, and gas. He had plans for every dime, and she willingly trusted his judgement. He had a work ethic like no one I have met until my husband. It’s that type of do it, learn to do it, teach it, empowerment that I still follow and taught my child.
My mother had her own skills. As an Army wife, full time housewife and home manager, I never saw fear in her. Worry or concern, yes, but not fear. She had such a strong backbone, I am surprised she could bend over. I think that’s why dad loved her so. He was drawn to strong people and she could work circles around every woman I knew in my life. She had a way of presenting herself as demure but proud. She could dress up and look like an angel, and also hoe out a garden by hand, swing a scythe cutting ditch grass, and paint a barn on top of scaffolding from two ladders and a two by four. She was also my teacher of good manners, kindness, and empathy. She sang in church next to me in a sweet tone, made cupcakes for school functions, and fed and clothed some of my friends when they needed it. Humility was taught not as a shameful thing, but required by saying, “I am sorry” or “excuse me”, or “I was wrong”. I never saw her treat anyone with hatred or mean words except once when she called my dad and “ass”. It was overdue and she felt bad after, but they let it go and the next day, fell back into their daily routines once again.
My mother’s skills were endless, and I was sure that she was actually smarter than dad about most things. He was good at making money, and she was good at stretching it. It was really a miracle that she always had plenty of food for all of us, clothes, and supplies for school. She made dollars stretch until she had squirreled away enough to grant one Christmas or birthday wish for her children and many of her grandchildren over the years. Most of all, I remember her giving of herself to everyone, even strangers in small ways over the many years of her life.
When I see the turmoil of this year, and the lines we are drawing due to beliefs, I hear my mother tisking and see her shaking her head reading the newspaper and looking at it with disappointment. I hear her in my memory telling me as a child, “You may not like something, but you have a choice of how you react. Words hurt as much as your actions. Choose carefully what you do to others, say to others, and because of others. Because in the end, you have to suffer the consequences of the choice you make and the words you say.” Choose to find the good and be that example for others. I saw it in her even in her smile when there was little to smile about.
We all have such power as humans to be better than we are, put out more effort than we offer, and the ability to give with sincerity. Giving those efforts as examples to our children and grandchildren, and to our community of young people does make a difference in showing them ways to participate, be respectful, and to be a part of something larger than yourself.
sherrystruthtofiction 