Physically waking up is a major triumph when you know 3 of the 6 names in the obituaries every day. Just getting from breathing to dressed in the morning is a wide gap faced with reapplying makeup after sweating it off during a dozen hot flashes in the first hour.
Waking up when you are 20, 30, 40, and 50 are so very different. I really don’t remember 20 so I can’t say I miss it. I do remember at 30 jumping out of bed because my day was full with a kid, a job, a husband, a life.
Forty, the wake up was more of a slide into the needed activities of the day, followed by grumbling and self-loathing after a long day.
Fifty waking up having hurt myself during the short sleep has been usual. I feel like I have done this before I tell myself. Repeated gestures lead me to forget where I am in the process of waking up. Did I turn off the light in the bathroom? Did I remember to turn off the coffee pot? Where’s my work badge? Waking up now takes half the day and starts over at 1 pm when the energy drops and a nap is needed. Work is a state of being that holds some pride but obviously I would not do it if I was financially able to stay home in pajamas.
Waking up to aging happened when I looked in the mirror and decided make up was not needed because it wasn’t going to get better. Who was I trying to impress and did I really give a shit? No, so no more make-up or hairspray. No acrylic fingernails or long hours at the hairdressers paying for hair color. Embrace the grey. No more trips to the store for menstrual pads or cramps medicine. Menopause has a few perks.
Waking up in relationships happened before I married for the third and last time. When I basically decided I didn’t really want a man again, I found a good one. He accepted me and I him just as we were. Some days we are great, kind, thoughtful, and others we are just assholes. But that is okay.
Waking up to your sense of self is the best part of aging over 55. I know who I am and have no big career goals to meet. I am looking forward to grandkids and retirement as I get closer to my 60s. I accept myself with flaws and wrinkles. I have no illusions that I will beat death or become well known in my lifetime by anyone other than family and friends. I don’t expect to be perfectly happy everyday and that is okay. My biggest plan for tomorrow is to…wake up.
sherrystruthtofiction 