I want to talk about my mother by writing a book. I lost her recently and my way to deal with pain is to write. She was 94 and mortal, so I didn’t expect her to live forever. There is never enough time to do all the things or say all of the things you want to and death seems to focus that reality. Regret, guilt, anger, longing, only some of the feelings to bear with grief. But to write a book about it in a way that helps others channels the emotions into a positive light.
I write for many reasons. In this time of grief, I also want to help others. My mother was in a nursing home and during that time she contracted COVID-19 from a worker. It was difficult enough that they closed the facility to protect the residents two months prior, but then they actually carried it in to her and passed it through a lack of attention to infectious disease protocol. So, I had to start making notes to myself to decide what the purpose will be in writing this book.
I always begin with the same three questions:
Am I writing to entertain?
Am I writing to inspire?
Am I writing to educate?
If the purpose of my writing is an emotional or cathartic release, then it is a diary and is not likely to help or inspire others as much as to help me cope. Although a book can serve all three of the purposes listed, one usually stands out as the primary purpose. In my case, I feel that I need to educate by offering a map of transition from home to nursing home and help others understand what happens after those decisions are made. The next questions I ask relate to the expected outcome. I ask myself the following:
What outcome do I hope for the finished product and who might this book serve?
Is this book going to instruct someone on how to navigate a similar circumstance or problem?
Is this a platform for change?
Once I have answered all of these questions, I am able to identify the type of book I want to write. The next question is imperative to understanding my mindset at the time of the writing.
What essential question do I want answered or what is my strongest desire to fulfill in writing this book?
In order to really stay focused on writing, I have to be passionate about the cause or the purpose for writing. I try to stay on track and not go off on wild tangents that are fueled by anger or regret in a story, but ultimately it happens. That is why I edit later and do a lot of rewrites. But getting as much down as fast as possible is typically how I roll once my basic outline is set up and beside my computer.
I was a nurse for 30 years and have 15 of those in long term care. I understand the system from both sides. I understand the nurses mindset and how they cope with low staffing and not enough time in the day to do all that has to be done. I understand the endless charting to cover your butt from lawsuits and the state and federal laws related to long term care facilities. I was an administrative nurse acting as a DON at an assisted living facility for two years and met with state reviewers during annual reviews. As a family member with medical training, I witnessed poor care, substandard PPE use and lack of professionalism during care of my mother when I was visiting. I understand the feeling from the point of view of a family member with no control and limited information of how my mother was treated day to day. in my absence. I visited, helped with what I could, and walked away hoping they would care for her but knew it would not be with the same detailed care I could give.
That is how I begin. I am beginning a book about my mother. I will probably write two. One will be to help others to navigate the maze of long term health care for the aging, and the other will be about who mom was before she was seen as an old lady. Understanding the difference in these books and separating the two by purpose is important so the audience is not trying to navigate an unclear trip through a grieving brain of a motherless daughter.
sherrystruthtofiction 