There is nothing graceful about getting old. One day you awaken to sore joints after a day of exercise that twenty years before was relieved with a good night’s sleep. Suddenly, everything hurts from your head to your toes. You notice that certain foods now cause indigestion or end up making you feel bloated. Your balance is questionable as you fall over invisible bumps in the floor. You go into rooms and don’t remember why. You forget where you park and roam around parking lots pushing the warning beeper waiting for a car to talk to you. You wear two different socks and don’t care. Clothing choices are based on comfort more than style or fad. You drive with a purpose and realize you are a day to early or late to the appointment. You get tired and get ready for bed before the sun goes down. You become less spontaneous and more predictable. Your eyes, ears, waistline, and height change but not for the better. You stop looking in the mirror and avoid getting your picture taken. Going to the doctor more is a given. Suddenly, vitamins seem like a necessity instead of a good idea. These signs of age related changes do not hit any one person at the same age, but inside your skin, you know and try to avoid the obvious. I am getting old.
When you recognize this fact, you start avoiding some activities because it creates an unwanted result the next day. I no longer stay out in the sun all day. I no longer plan a trip without taking a pharmacy along. I no longer stay out after ten at night when I have to work the next day. These are just things that eventually create such a difficulty functioning the day after that it is not worth the effort. I am getting tired.
The next phase of aging comes when your parents or other family begin to get old, sick, and die. This awakening to your own mortality hits hard. Watching people you love begin losing their memories, misplacing things, forgetting dates, and driving dangerously is a frustrating decent into becoming a parent to your parents or guardian to your guardians. I am weighed down by my responsibilities.
For many of us, the path to your parents slow roll toward dependence upon their children for care is slow. For some, that total dependence upon children for care is sudden through stroke, heart failure, muscle disorders, or one of multiple forms of dementia. The sudden forced role change can be unhinging to your life and to your mental state. The path is varied but all have the commonality of forced role change between the parent and the child. Who will take care of me some day?
Aging gracefully is a pleasant fairy tale. Aging is more like an endless roller-coaster with changing tracks somewhat like a Twilight Zone version of the It’s A Small World ride at DisneyLand. The only way to deal with it is to find humor, enjoy the small joys of breathing, and face each day as it comes. Worry and frustration does not change your current state, but your attitude can make it more bearable for those around you. Aging sucks, but I am not ready for the alternative yet!
sherrystruthtofiction 