Are you Kmart or Glow?

As I listened to the stories from the people I met at a gathering, I noticed two huge differences in personalities that were sitting at the same table.  Two attitudes apparent to the point that I could see images hovering above their heads as they spoke.

The first person has a light bulb irratiating a  shimmering glow above their head. He or she (Glow) has an authentic smile and listens more than speaks. When speaking about themselves, it involves describing an experience and their passion for their specialty of choice but not how the world is a better place for their experience.  Glow speaks of  living as beauty, sorrow, and a sense of respect for others. These are the people I most enjoy listening to when they speak because they describe their experiences in a story that anyone can appreciate. They share their wisdom without hitting me over the head to assure I understand just how smart they are. Their story is tempered with kindness and interest in others comments or questions about their experiences. Glow is open to others points of view. They may not be educated at an Ivy League school, but the shimmering glow envelopes their experiences of life and humility to accept others that might have similar experiences to share with them.

The second person has a “Kmart Blue Light Special” light flashing annoyingly above their head.  Kmart sits at a table surrounded by others calling attention to the flashing by telling of how inspiring the ideas are coming from Kmart’s mouth. Most sentences spoken by Kmart begin with, “I.” Kmart becomes enchanted listening to others only when they are speaking about Kmart’s work and accomplishments. When Kmart asks a question and receives an answer, Kmart turns out its light to signal the conversation is not deserving of the blue flashing glow. Negative and condescending comments are the standard when Kmart speaks of the accomplishments of others. Although Kmart assures us they have so much experience that it is unlikely they can be taught something they don’t know, this person will never really be wise. They are experienced and even somewhat intelligent, but not wise. There is a difference in being well educated, intelligent, and wise. There were a handful of people at this gathering that met these descriptions but of the two I have described, only one was easily categorized as wise.

The wise man sitting at the table listened intently to all the conversations and added to them instead of taking attention from them.  A wise man knows that he will never know everything as the sum of the knowledge of all-mankind is to vast for one man to absorb. In wisdom, this person will not only share their experiences with someone, but listen to the intimate stories of another person and invest themselves in conversing about those experiences. The wise person may be a man or woman, may be well-dressed or unshaven. They are thinkers, they are listeners, and they speak when they have something to say that is not an accolade of their fame to gain attention.

The well-educated man may have varied levels of degrees from institutions of learning, or may not have actually graduated or received any reward for their intelligence. Perhaps their intelligence has come from immersion in reading, living, and experiencing travel. The intelligent person is as good at listening as speaking. He is constantly seeking a better understanding of the world around him.

Then, there is the intelligent man. “He is so intelligent he was offered a full scholarship by both Harvard and Stanford.” Higher intelligence can be intimidating to the general population. And maybe that is so because intelligence is the most measured state of a man. Testing is given to prove intelligence, and is offered to judge the ability to succeed at all levels. Creativity is not necessary to be intelligent, nor is the ability to speak well in public. Some of the most intelligent people I know are socially inept. Almost every incredibly intelligent person I have met never speak of themselves as intelligent. Their minds are to busy solving problems and discussing new observations.  Their minds are so busy on the next challenge that they are often introverts. They sometimes cannot focus well in conversation because their minds are a jump ahead to an idea that was brought on by one word or idea said in the previous conversation.

Of the two described characters of Kmart and Glow who sat in front of me not long ago, it was Glow’s wisdom that kept me from saying what I was thinking to Kmart.  No matter what I would have said to the person in response to their disrespectful comments to others, Kmart would have gone on to believe a self image of intelligence over others even if they were a Nobel Prize winner. Narcissists exist everywhere, but until that day I had not really found anyone who truly exhibited all the characteristics in such a flamboyant way.

By the end of the evening, I felt sorry for Kmart. Not only did Kmart not fit into any one category of wise, intelligent, or well-educated with any absolute, but seemed be working hard to impress the group. Pity on the person who spends so much time in reverence of themselves that they cannot appreciate the magnificence all around them. Kmart will be repeating negative comments to all that will listen, and will not feel any better about themselves for their experience. I try to find myself somewhere in between these three personalities. A little wise, a little intelligent, and a little well-educated but always willing to learn more every day.